Russella Statdorf
Latter-day Saint subscribers to Gonzo Life had a special treat last month as June’s adventure slowly revealed itself to be a modern retelling of something…familiar.
The first signal that a new adventure had begun was when the bars of their latest Wild West–themed month became synagogues. Naturally, visitors at first assumed a return to last year’s blockbuster Singer’s Zamość—after all, rumors of such had been constant before Singer’s Zamość had even ended with its optimism compromised by hints of a Nazi future.
Days passed with nothing more than speculation and chatter at the synagogues. But then—those of us in low-earth spinners realized our bodies were pressing deeper into the walkways of our apartments, commutes, and workplaces. This strange attack on our proprioception was explained once earthbound subscribers began receiving instructions to hunt down and destroy “the rebel priest and [his followers] living amongst the clouds.” Excitement among Latter-day Saints led to much breaking of character in the early hours, but we soon adopted this new reality with verve and helped other adventurers find their way into the tale.
The chronology of scripture was shuffled in Waters of Mystery, but the flash of celebrity when I felt as I bumped into the Gonzoguide playing Alma was greater than any pleasure nitpicking might have brought me. By the end of week one, it was clear that those of us in orbit were largely the people of Alma while the earthbound were split between the peoples of Noah and Lemann [sic]. Like all of the best Gonzo Life products, for us individual adventurers the experience was less about winning or losing—or accomplishing any particular task at all—but more about inhabiting this particular universe—a defamiliarized Book of Mosiah in which heavy burdens were illusions of stronger gravity and the opportunity to support or rebel against your king became fraught with moral uncertainty. I heard in more than one post-wrap conversation that marriages fell upon hard times as Noah split couples apart to benefit his own safety and aggrandizement. Sad, I grant, but if the Gonzoguide playing Noah isn’t up for the Best Professional Adventurer Oscar this year, he’ll have been robbed.
The death of Noah was a particular moving (slash upsetting) touch. Adventurers of his faction panicked when the Lemannites were revealed to be closely mixed with them in realworld geography. This is an unusual move for an adventuring company. For instance, during the only other arguably Mormon adventure (last year’s Ender’s Game Remix), the kid soldiers and the buggers were kept on entirely different continents. Three charter accidents have been blamed on adventurers’ panic upon discovery of a factional rival on the same transport. While undoubtedly exciting, it did raise the sort of moral questions that had seemed solved a generation ago—and made me glad to be hiding in the clouds with my fellow people of Alma.
In the end, Waters of Mystery is one of the more innovative and exciting adventures of recent years and further evidence that Gonzo Life is still the experience company to beat. Join now and who knows—maybe next year we’ll find ourselves in upstate New York surround by rumors of golden cutlery!
PHONY
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Russella Statdorf currently serves in a family-history library where her specialty is recovering lost digital records from the digitally dark period following the First Intelligence Disaster.
PHONY
