An Annotated Theological Reading
of “The Monster Mash”
by Bobby “Boris” Pickett
and the Crypt-Kickers |
| Tim Wilkinson

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I was working in the lab¹ late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight²
For my monster from his slab began to rise³
And suddenly to my surprise⁴

(He did the Mash)⁵ He did the Monster Mash
(The Monster Mash) It was a graveyard⁶ smash
(He did the Mash) It caught on in a flash⁷
(He did the Mash) He did the Monster Mash

From my laboratory in the castle east⁸
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast⁹
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes¹⁰
To get a jolt from my electrodes

(They did the mash) They did the Monster Mash
(The monster mash) It was a graveyard smash¹¹
(They did the mash) It caught on in a flash
(They did the mash) They did the Monster Mash

The zombies¹² were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man¹³
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin’, all were diggin’ the sounds¹⁴
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds¹⁵
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, “The Crypt-Kicker Five”¹⁶

(They played the mash) They played the monster mash
(The monster mash) It was a graveyard smash
(They played the mash) It caught on in a flash
(They played the mash) They played the monster mash

Out from his coffin, Drac’s voice did ring
Seems he was troubled¹⁷ by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist and said
“Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?”¹⁸

It’s now the Monster Mash (The Monster Mash)
And it’s a graveyard smash (It’s now the Mash)
It’s caught on in a flash (It’s now the Mash)
It’s now the Monster Mash

Now everything’s cool, Drac’s a part of the band¹⁹
And my Monster Mash is the hit of the land²⁰
For you, the living²¹, this Mash was meant too
When you get to my door²², tell them Boris sent you

Then you can Monster Mash (The Monster Mash)
And do my graveyard smash (Then you can Mash)
You’ll catch on in a flash (Then you can Mash)
Then you can Monster Mash

Mmgrrrr (Monster Mash)
Easy, Igor, you impetuous young boy²³
Mmgrrrr, Mash good²⁴

 

Tim Wilkinson is a regular contributor to Ships of Hagoth where this was originally published.